Showing posts with label Y Signal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Y Signal. Show all posts

Thursday, December 25, 2025

Merry Christmas!

The Y Signal gang from L to R: Danny, George, Ray, Andrew


Merry Christmas!

I wanted to thank you all for another great year here. The longer I'm around the longer I'm thankful I even have the chance to do it at all, even if it's not much. It's been a very chaotic year behind the scenes here, as many of you know, but at least I will be leaving it in the dust soon enough with more to look forward to ahead.

Next year will be the 30th anniversary of Cultural Ground Zero, a sign that much has changed in ways we didn't even imagine as little as five years ago. To celebrate both this milestone and the holiday season, I've done a read through of the second part of Y Signal, "Snow Out", on the Patreon. For those who don't know, this is my secondary podcast called The Drifter Mindset dedicated to both reading my own stories and talking about them in a conversational style. This is also the longest episode so far at two hours(!) long, so tune in if you want something relaxing to listen to on this sacred day of celebration.

"Snow Out" is the middle of Y Signal which itself takes place on the Christmas of 1995, making it the 30th anniversary of that in-story event. Check it out for yourself (as well as 40 other podcast episodes and various serializations and written pieces) by signing up for the Patreon. I'm going to be stuffing it with a lot of good stuff in the year ahead.

On top of it, Cannon Cruisers has put out our usual Christmas Special episode this year! We decided to cover the 50 year old horror classic (Yeah, it's that old now), Black Christmas! Check it out for yourself and see if this film holds up. We most definitely do.

That's it for this short update! See you soon for one more Weekend Lounge post to close out the year before one last update on New Years. Thanks for the support, and have yourself a great Christmas season!






Friday, November 29, 2024

Gratitude With a Surprise!

Out Today!


Surprise!

This is a time for gratitude. In fact, this whole time of year is. We become grateful we have families, friends, opportunities, good fortune, and, yes, even bad fortune. Just the fact that we're alive at all is a blessing.

For me, being a writer has been a more fruitful endeavor than I ever thought it would be. Just that that there are some people willing to spring on an ebook, paperback, or anthology, simply because I wrote something in its pages is very humbling. Even more so to those very generous readers who joined the Patreon. You are more appreciated than you will ever know.

Today, my newest published short story, "Fade Away to Anywhere," has been released in the newest issue of Silence & Starsong. The description of the story is below:


fade away to anywhere 
JD Cowan Fantasy, Teens and Up 
To Tony, the mall was a home away from home. What will he do when a mysterious danger threatens it?"


This one goes in some strange directions. I can't really go into this story without doling out spoilers, so I'll refrain from it this time. I can say, however, that it has a link with two stories released earlier this year in Cirsova and Sidearm & Sorcery. A lot of these stories are related to each other in ways that will become clear eventually, but you also don't have to know that to enjoy them on their own. I always wants to make sure every story is a good jumping on point for new readers, and this one is no exception. Check out the issue here!

At the same time as this, the Big Black Friday Book Sale is on, like it always is, running until Monday. You can find a full list of books here. There is no shortage of books but you also have a whole week to parse through the entire list. Have fun! There's quite a lot of good stuff.

As for me, I have Y Signal on sale for a dollar for the next week. Now is your chance to finally pick up this weird adventure of time and mortality set in the past.


Find it Here!


That's it for this week! Not much to update on other than I just recently got over a weird 24 hour bug that totally leveled me. It sure isn't fun losing a whole day out of the blue. No idea where that came from but I'm thankful it's over.

And that's what it's all about, I suppose. Just being thankful. We are exactly where we're supposed to be doing what we're supposed to be doing. There's comfort in that knowledge.

Anyway, have yourself a great holiday and a very well deserved rest and I will see you again very soon.






Thursday, December 1, 2022

Inside Looking Out

Find it Here!


It has been quite a crazy launch week for Y Signal, and I want to thank everyone who shared it all over social media and in real life. It was very much appreciated for such a strange story that would be hard sell otherwise.

It is no exaggeration to say that Y Signal is a difficult story to explain unless one is familiar with the new lost generation of Gen Y or the reality of Cultural Ground Zero. Regardless, there is a universal appeal even then. I have spoken a bit on Y Signal before, but the inspiration for this story goes back far before then. How far? Well, some of the characters and concepts are ones I came up with way back in the 2000s before I had even thought of writing anything at all. It only took until now for me to understand just what this story was. Writing is weird that way.

You see, even back in the day, back before the society-changing events of 9/11 or Columbine, I had a sense that the times were shifting, and that they were getting worse. I know this because at the time I was actually delving deeper into pop culture and the like due to personal events in my young life that made it more agreeable to me than the real life crap I had to deal with. Seeing things decay when I was told they just "got better" because that was how the world was supposed to work was such a bizarre mentality that I couldn't even process then. I still heard that hoary logic from my peers both online and off as far as up to the beginning of the 2010s, even. It isn't as easy to process such thinking today, perhaps because so many in the wider culture have gas-lit themselves into thinking some other party is to blame for certain utopia becoming derailed, but the magical thinking of humanism that said progressing to perfection was a certainty died out. The explanation of things improving because that's "what they do" lasted far beyond its expiration date, and we can see it when looking back at earlier times. It's easy to take for granted now, but it was a very real belief for a long time.

This was one of the reasons so many back then didn't put much thought in the future. If you lived then, you probably remember what the climate was like. There was no sense in truly pushing yourself if no matter what you do the same result will play out regardless. Yes, it was a pseudo-determinist view of existence, which makes sense when you are dealing with a pure materialist view of reality, as most everyone did in the 20th century. Humanity are a bunch of meat robots gradually stepping up a slope where paradise awaits at the apex. Everything will be better in the morning, because that's just how it is. Things will always get better.

People did believe that, until the party stopped.

Eventually, the mechanisms that made modernism worked began to squeak and break under the strain of impossible expectations. The rust had done its damage, especially with no one there to keep maintenance as it began to crumble. Even now, the system is still in the process of imploding. It still hasn't quite reached the extreme, but we all know it's on the way.

Now, you would have to be blind, deaf, and dumb, to still believe in the mystical idea of Unending Progress today. There is no shining paradise waiting ahead for humanity as long as we do what our betters tell us to. That well never happen because Utopia doesn't exist. All that is coming is self-destruction stemming from that vapid mentality that led us off the cliff in the first place. We did this to ourselves, and we continue to do it to this day.

What this means is that looking back on the old days is usually due more to regret than it is to longing. You don't really want to return to a time where you were more ignorant of where things were headed; you are nostalgic for the chance to make a different decision based on what you now know. Perhaps you can still find that reality you were denied. But it was always going to end up here, in the end. Too much would have to change to depart from the road to ruin ahead. In that case, how does one view the past aside from thinking it one huge mistake? What can be gained from it?

We're not on the outside looking in, because we've never really left the past behind. Instead, we are still inside, trying to find the path forward, the way out. But what does that even mean? This is why I wrote this in the first place. How does one find their place in a world that doesn't believe you have one, that you are expendable? Where would such a place even be? It's not an easy idea to think about, even over a quarter of a century after the modern world truly ended.

Where did we think we were going in the first place?


Remember this?


Y Signal started as an idea I had a long time ago, as I mentioned earlier, which was more focused on how Gen X (and, though I didn't know it then, Gen Y) kids found themselves outdated in the social decay the 2000s brought. Oddly enough, that old idea was probably was closer to SLC Punk than Y Signal ended up being. That eventually changed as I began looking into Cultural Ground Zero and questioning just what was it that made Gen Y so nostalgic for a time that, frankly, wasn't actually that great. It also helped that I had started taking influence from the pulps and old adventure fiction, too. That was when the story finally began taking shape.

How do we move on from the last period where it felt like social cohesion existed? What do we move towards, and how do we finally move on from the past?

Now, of course, this does not mean there was nothing about the 1990s worth remembering or taking forward, but it has turned into a sort of Shangri-La for Gen Ys, just as the 1980s have been turned into an aesthetic for those who never even lived in it, and I wanted to look at this from a different angle. What if those who inhabited this sacred time and place actually did see it all coming, or at least had an idea? How would they react, especially if humanity was determined to make things as they are today? Would reality itself break, or was it always destined to turn out like this regardless of what anyone did? Was there really only one possibility?

That was when it all blew up into the story before you. Reading through what happens in Y Signal, as things go more and more sideways, should tell you exactly what might have been, and what might be. There is more than one future, but not in the way you might think.

When I wrote the first part and shared it with you all, I had always expected it to go longer than that piece. However, I first wanted to see what the response would be to an idea like this, in the first place. For those who have read most of my other work, Y Signal wasn't really in my wheelhouse. While there are elements of horror and action in this one, just like just about everything I've done, this is a straight out weird tale before anything else. Thanks to the overwhelming positive reaction that shorter piece received, it allowed me to pursue the full story. And what a story it is. I do not think I will be able to create something like this again.

Talking about Y Signal without utterly spoiling the entire story is a bit difficult, so I'll try to talk about the inspiration.

One of the things people do uniformly miss about earlier decades is how much better mainstream art and entertainment was as a whole. That is because it was better, but also because there was a unified culture uniting everyone together. This doesn't exist anymore, and it won't again for a long time, however, that is what people miss more than just the products or brands themselves. They are nostalgic for a world that wanted them. At least, that's the thought.

Music, especially rock music, was very much a male interest back in the day. Before it died out in the 2000s, and before flatlining utterly in the '10s, you would be hard pressed to find any red-blooded male who didn't listen to it. Rock was energy and testosterone, embodied.

On top of that, music itself is also the most ethereal form of art, making it harder to quantify why it works or explain how it can dig in so deep. Without being fully tangible, explaining music's appeal is difficult. It is more than just sounds arranged correctly, but also a form that scrapes at your insides and stirs your soul in a way no other form can. That is also why describing it through prose adds a different flavor to the mix. It is using one form to try and describe the appeal of another. You might have noticed that a bit in my Night Rhythm stories. One of which is in Pulp Rock right now!

There was much music that got me in the spirit to write Y Signal, but as I was writing it I thought of what exactly the characters might listen to that affected them during the era of the story. It's not quite a soundtrack, but more of a tone that I wanted to set in atmosphere and in characterization. The only way I can really explain it, is by sharing.

These are the songs that helped me craft the feeling and mood of Y Signal. One can arrange these as a double disc compilation of the sort you would be able to buy back then, before Napster existed. Some of these were even directly mentioned and referenced in the story itself, though not always in obvious ways. This is the sound of Y Signal.

  1. Rush - Red Barchetta
  2. Supergrass - Alright
  3. Boston - Peace of Mind
  4. The Ramones - Chasing the Night
  5. The Replacements - Tommy Gets His Tonsils Out
  6. Pavement - In the Mouth a Desert
  7. Sonic Youth - Teenage Riot
  8. Urge Overkill - Positive Bleeding
  9. Fishbone - Question of Life
  10. Suicide - Johnny
  11. Pere Ubu - Navvy
  12. The Lemonheads - My Drug Buddy
  13. The Replacements - Johnny's Gonna Die
  14. The Specials - Blank Expression
  15. Less Than Jake - Blindsided
  16. Screeching Weasel - Going Home
  17. Less Than Jake - Last Train
  18. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - Dogs and Chaplains
  19. Smashing Pumpkins - Siva
  20. Counting Crows - Mr. Jones
  21. Oasis - Wonderwall
  22. Pavement - Fillmore Jive
  23. The Replacements - One Wink at a Time
  24. Oasis - Champagne Supernova
  25. Goldfinger - King for a Day
  26. Less Than Jake - Sugar in Your Gas Tank
  27. Gin Blossoms - Follow You Down
  28. Smashing Pumpkins - 1979
  29. Swervedriver - Never Lose That Feeling
  30. Deluxtone Rockets - Judgement Day

You can find it all in a custom playlist on YouTube here.

These are the songs that got me into the mindset of the times, the characters, and the general feel of the in-between of the Here and There that makes the story what it is. Remember, these songs aren't meant as literal, at least, not entirely, but a way to grasp a sensation and mood--a lost spark--that both the characters and I, as the writer, were trying to understand. It's the soundtrack of Y Signal in that very specific way.

I realize I might sound more than a little frazzled or unclear when talking about this story, but that is for good reason. This is the era where the fostering alienation and fragmentation the west had been marinating in since at least the 1960s really bubbled up to the present, and it was most noticeable through the change in the music. Not even so much the popular music, as a lot of what became popular before Cultural Ground Zero was underground and college sounds that was scooped up by the big labels to try and wring some dollars out of it. As a consequence, "genre-fication" from so-called experts (the same kind that swallowed adventure storytelling in 1939) drained character and ambition out of an entire artistic medium, not even allowing it to flourish in the indies. Rock music died as a result of this shift. It's still never recovered.

As a result, there is a sense of foreboding one cannot avoid when exploring this era. It's a mood that was there even if we didn't see it at the time. When making a story that seems primed for easy nostalgia bait (and don't think Hollywood hasn't tried), it is easy to fall into the trap and ignore what was going on under the surface. Gen Y's relationship with the 1990s is a lot more complex than we sometimes realize it is, and I wanted to get it across here. The track-list above is not meant to be a walk down memory-lane, but to capture that relationship between the times and the people, both then and now. Art is meant to be unite, after all.

Hopefully, you, the reader, can connect with it. That was always the goal, to begin with. I wanted to find that missing link that gets mistaken for brand worship today. I pray I succeeded in my efforts. That was the whole point of Y Signal--to understand.

The last song in the above track-list is out of the timespan of the story, for a reason you will probably guess when reading it, but so are others that inspired its writing to begin with. Much of initial outlining was done as I listened to the album The Elements of Transition by Edna's Goldfish, a long defunct band that only put out two albums (and this is not the favorite of the two) which came out in 1999. It's an album that is odd for it's time period in that it is focused on one aspect of the transition between adolescence and adulthood that most don't, which is the loss of the little things that gets missed in the rush to move on, including regret.

Sample lyrics:

Summer of 95
I still don't feel like I'm alive
Sometimes I can feel so drained
But my friends are here I can't complain
I've underestimated again
The power of the words of all my friends

Everyone I know and
Everything I see
Everywhere I've been
It means so much you meant so much to me

What comes next I'll keep you guessing
Come to see the life that you've been missing

The Y Signal in the story is discovered by a musician, someone who works with sound and manipulates it to his whims to the point that he soon found a way he could use it for his own means. Though, of course, just stopping there does not give much credit into the ways a soul can bend reality itself and end up falling into the cracks of their own making. As everyone well knows, things fall apart. We are seeing it happen right now. But it always starts from our own choices.

So the story ended up being about finding something that won't fall apart. Do the characters know this? Not entirely. No one who lived at that time would really understand how fragile what they had then was. We don't even really know it now. Should something like what occurs in Y Signal happen today, I guarantee it would not end quite like the way it does here. Would it be better or worse? You'll have to read and find out for yourself and come to your own conclusion.

The entire story ended up being a lot more off-kilter than I originally imagined, with multiple parts including inbetweeners and a prologue and epilogue to tell a story that covers a lot of territory in a shorter pulp-like length with typical quick pacing. It's not something I would have been able to write if I hadn't gone through what I had since learning to write years ago, in many ways. Again, I doubt I'll ever write anything quite like this again, so please give it a read and see for yourself just how crazy it gets. This never would have been possible before NewPub took off, so I definitely must thank the readers for allowing a climate like this to exist so these sorts of stories could even be told and released in the first place. It's been quite the ride these last few years.

Strangely enough, Y Signal managed to release on the 25th anniversary of Cultural Ground Zero. It has been a quarter of a century since this modern world died out. Hopefully it makes for a solid capstone on it. What will we think of 2022 when we look back on it 25 years from now? That should be interesting to see.

Hopefully we will have moved beyond the brands by then and into a deeper love, lamentation, and appreciation for the past. We can only hope.




In the end, Y Signal is an amalgamation of everything I've learned since I started writing, filtered through my curiosity with an age that is long gone and never coming back. The 1990s sure were wild. It was a crazy time, but it's over now. It is time to face the present we live in today. What do we have now to look forward to?

Well, for us now, we are quickly entering 2023 in less than a month. Whatever happens next is in God's hands. For me, I will continue to write for as long as I am able to. Hopefully I will be doing this for a long time, and can share many more stories with you in the future.

But who really knows what tomorrow holds? Anything can happen, right? The possibilities are unending, now and forever.

There are many futures, after all.





Friday, November 25, 2022

New Release ~ Y Signal!

Find it Here!


It's been quite the year hasn't it? Well, it's not over yet! Today it is time for an announcement of a brand new book release.

I did it, readers, just like I said I would! Today releases the second book in 2022 from yours truly, Y Signal! This might technically be my third book this year (along with The Last Fanatics and the FREE Generation Y: The Lost Generation), however, I nonetheless managed to keep good on my promise to deliver the goods for you this year.

The first thing you might be wondering is if this is the same Y Signal that is up for free on the blog. The answer is that this book is the FULL story. The piece on Wasteland & Sky is only one portion of the full tale of Ray's journey across time and space and the strangeness inflicted on his world of 1995. You can think of the blog entry as a preview of the full narrative. The book goes to a lot more, and off the wall, places on the way to its ending beyond that summer night in 1995. I can't quite say where it ends up without spoilers, but this is a truly weird tale. You will most definitely not be reading anything else like this anytime soon.

Here is the description:


BACK IN 1995 
Summer vacation is the same as usual for Ray and his friends. It's video games, hanging out, and endless good times! But when his cousin introduces him to a mysterious radio broadcast, reality is inverted. What is real, and what is a dream? Is the future open, or is disaster inevitable?

The Y Signal reveals all.

Join Ray on his journey as time and space itself bends to forces beyond his control, in his quest to come out the other side. Ape-men, crazed punks, sky trains, hidden worlds, the past, and a so-called Paradise, await him as he fights to discover the truth in a world gone mad.

Paradise is but one dream away. All he has to do is reach out and touch it . . .


That is no exaggeration, though you will have to read on to find out what it means! It is an adventure quite unlike anything I have done before.

Y Signal is a story from the heart of Generation Y, when it seemed like the world was at its peak and nothing could go wrong. Things would only be getting better, because that's what things did. All one had to do was the bare minimum and listen to all the right people, and all would work out in your favor. Of course, that isn't how life works, but it was how kids in the 1980s and 1990s were told it would happed. And there was a time where it felt like it was almost true, before it all came crashing down with a series of events in the late '90s and early '00s that shattered the last illusions of modernity and left us in the decline we've been in ever since. Before Cultural Ground Zero, everything was the way it should be. Or was it?

Part of the nostalgia Gen Y suffers is due to spending their entire lives since the mid-1990s in a societal decline, starting from a high in the materialist age of the 1980s and early '90s, and only sliding into a lower and lower place in the years to come. Generations before them have experienced rises and falls before, and the ones after have only lived at the bottom and lack perspective, but Generation Y (born approx. 1979-1989) are defined by decline. That is their identity. The reason our suicide rates are as high as they are is, for the most part, because of where we started from and not seeing a way to reach those highs again. Is that rational? That's fairly irrelevant to the reality facing us in the modern day. It is what is is.

Nonetheless, none of this is helped by a societal climate that gets irrationally angry when one points out that not only does this generational cohort exist, it was deliberately buried by Madison Avenue in order to sell product to the kids coming up under them. We keep creating new, ridiculous terms like "Xennial" or "Geriatric Millennial" to define a group that already exists and had a name: Gen Y, the younger brothers of Gen X. The last generation to grow up without internet, social media, cellphones, and before Columbine, before 9/11, before the War on Terror, before Cultural Ground Zero. As David Stewart once said, they are a generation raised in an analog world expected to live in a digital one. It is no wonder the entire cohort is a total and confused mess.

The reason '80s and '90s nostalgia refuses to go away is specifically because the world Gen Y was promised never came to fruition and it is the only memory they have in a present that isn't really working out. But it's not just that. It is also because the world that DOES exist already stated this group not only doesn't exist, but everything they loved is now evil and should be destroyed. How do you square this circle? In an imploding social climate that proves Gen Y is right about how the current world is inferior to the one they were promised, and shows no sign of turning from its current dead end trajectory, there isn't anything they can do but check out. The wider culture wants to implode and will do anything to continuing Progressing towards that cliff. All this from the same people who sold them a fake future back in the 1990s that they don't even remember to a group they would rather forget ever existed.

What we are left with is a group adrift and detached in a society that prides itself on alienation and unity through corporate product and vague law enforcement. Hardly an improvement on what a bunch of starry eyed kids saw coming back in 1995 when they were more ignorant about how things worked. What does one hope for, at this point?

I'm not going to pretend I am anywhere near the first person to notice any of this, or even write on it. There has been a small but growing library of releases in this niche of Generation Y experience that has been blanked out by angry modernists who want to pretend there was no eye of the cultural storm, but it did happen. Appreciating those quieter moments, learning why they were so effective, and how to apply them going forward, is the way to reach Generation Y and show just how much they have to offer in a world that very badly wants to pretend they don't exist.

Y Signal is an overarching story about one period of a 90s kid's life as everything changes around him in ways he could never predict. Despite that, I can't quite call it a "coming of age" story due to what actually occurs in its pages. Again, you'll have to read it yourself to see what I mean. If you've read the first part on the blog then you might have an idea what that means, but, even still, the complete story goes far beyond that.

As for other Gen Y books, I can recommend a few aside from the new Y Signal

The first would be our FREE 2022 release, Generation Y: The New Lost Generation. This one contains edited pieces and stories from myself, Brian Niemeier, and David V. Stewart. We even have files for paperback or hardcover printing if that is what you desire. It is a good place to start if you are completely clueless on the subject as it traces our discovery and understanding of this cohort towards our thoughts on where they can go in the future. Please spread this one around far and wide. It is meant to be shared.

David himself has put out two books specifically addressing this group. The first is The Eyes in the Wall which is a horror story about a Gen Y kid who meets a horrific monster as a child and does not know how to process or deal with it. The ending is particularly satisfying on this one. He also just released Afterglow: Generation Y, a collection of small stories that encapsulates the feel of what being Generation Y, of what being in a Lost Generation, is actually like. It goes without saying that both of these come highly recommended.

Another example is Mark Pellegrini's They'll Get You, which is a book about a kid during this very period. He has also written other short stories in this world, which mythologizes a lot of the weird things from this time period you might have forgotten about. They are all in various issues of Cirsova, so pick every one of those up! Gen Y or not, it is a fantastic magazine of wonder and imagination worth your time.

I do hope we see more takes on this subject in the future. This is quite fertile ground that we are only beginning to discover and will absolutely lead to more and more interesting stories. Even other mediums have begun diving into the subject.

Those all take different approaches to the topic of Generation Y, but Y Signal is about one's relation to reality itself and how we see each other and our place in the world in an age where that wasn't so clear. How are things meant to be? Who decides that? It is a difficult book to describe because it isn't quite like anything else I've done before, nor is it one I've seen from any other writer. This is the definition of a weird story.

I will write more about it in a future post. For now, I just needed to announce it to the world. You won't read anything else like it!


Find it Here!


In related news, there is also a sale going on right now, thanks to author Hans Shantz! This is the Big Black Friday/Cyber Monday Sale from authors all across the board, new and classic releases included. All works are on sale for a buck or even free, You can find it here!

Three of my books are included in the sale, Grey Cat Blues, Someone Is Aiming for You & Other Adventures, and Brutal Dreams! You can pick these up along with the freshly released Y Signal and have yourself quite the reading selection in the process, There is plenty to go around, so give it a look over. As always, NewPub has you covered for all your entertainment needs! Who needs the mainstream with a selection like this?

That's all for this week, folks. I hope you now know why I was laying a bit low recently. I had to make sure to get all my ducks in a row. Now that it is out, please enjoy to your heart's content. 2022 has been a crazy year.

Thanks again for reading! It is only because of readers like you that I am able to do this at all. My gratitude is immeasurable.





Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Story Sheets: "Y Signal"



It's been a good bit since the last edition of this series, so let us not waste any time getting into it today. Since this is the first free fiction I've offered on the site, it should be explored for the benefit of anyone else curious about the piece. There is quite a lot to go over.

This one is going to take a while so I hope you are strapped in. There is really nothing all that straightforward about this story's creation. It has been a long time coming.

Y Signal is a story that goes back the furthest of anything I've ever written. I came up with it while I was still in college, at least a large portion of it, specifically the character of Lenny and most of what he went through. Though that was long before I had any concept of pulp writing, reading and writing as entertainment, or aspirations of even writing at all, yet it was something that came to me to try to make sense of the changes happening around me at the time. The world became a very different place from the one it had been not even a decade earlier, but no one seemed to notice in the 2000s. They all know it now, as just about everyone can see the nostalgia obsession gripping western culture, but it's far too late to react on the knowledge of the loss that way. Those days are gone.

Of course, my idea wasn't actually Y Signal, but more like the literary junk that had poisoned my imagination at the time and tainted my opinion on reading and writing. I couldn't imagine a story that wasn't depressing, nihilistic, or pointless, so I just let it die. The last thing I wanted to do was inject more misery into a world that was already sinking deeper into it. There was, and is, already far too much of that out there.

What changed my perception was the passage of time, learning more about the world and the past, and understanding just what was it about that time and place that managed to stick in so many people's minds. Of course, I'm talking about Cultural Ground Zero. Only now do we really realize what was actually happening at the time and how long-lasting it would be.

The 1990s, and everything before it, were an entirely different world. Cultural attitudes were the polar opposite of today, communities (real ones, not online forgeries) actually existed, and there was this odd prevailing sense that everything was getting better both in our media and in general. None of this is the case anymore, of course, and pointing this out gets certain parties irrationally angry. It's always been just as bad as today, they say. But that is missing the forest for the trees. Were the 1990s actually all that different, or is that just nostalgia glasses blinding you from reality? The world has always been garbage, (post)modernists say: you were just too blind to see it. Just accept the trash heap, and all will be well! That is, if you listen to their prescription to fix it.

Well, that's actually the tension behind Y Signal. I wanted to look back into the past with eyes unclouded by anything that might be considered "biased" (whatever that means these days) and reflect on a time and place I know like the back of my hand. At the same time, I wanted the opposite: someone who lived during that time and saw the darker parts that the younger ones like us didn't see, and I wanted to mash them together to see what came out of the experience. Y Signal is an attempt to capture the feeling of the time in a single story.

Who do you think had it right between Ray, Lenny, or Yarbrough? They all started at different places and came to different conclusions by the end, seeing different sides of a world we think we all perfectly understand. The truth is that there is a lot of good and evil in this world, much we will never see or encounter, but the opposite is also very much also true. None of us have any idea what our future will hold, how much things will change or stay the same, or who will be there for us in the end. The world is a fascinating place and we should cherish our limited time on it. Looking back on it, the 1990s was the perfect time for such a reflection, being the eye of the storm called modernity. It was a time, like most others, that could only have existed at the exact moment it did.

But I've wasted enough time on the finer details. Let us talk about the rest of the story. There is a lot of other subjects to cover in it.

Of course, one of the most obvious subjects of the story is the one of music. Specifically, Gen X music, which is what Gen Y kids and teens listened to. The older generation always plays music for the one just under them, after all. What I wanted to do was have a band that emphasized the weirder side of Gen X music (Violent Femmes, Meat Puppets, Pavement) with the more abrasive side (The Replacements, Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins) to sort of encapsulate everything in one place. This is where the Panorama Agents came from as sort of a band that should have come out of that era, but didn't. Their spirit certainly has.




Yarbrough, the guitarist and lyricist of the band, is Gen X pushed to the edge. He is at the extreme end of the scale. This is a lonely and empty man doing his best to keep it together, until he can't anymore. Deeply unhappy with the state of the world, seeing injustices everywhere, money and fame not offering any sort of escape, he might seem like a take on Kurt Cobain. However, he's not. There is actually a real life person I took as inspiration on for Yarbrough, but it was not Cobain. It was somebody a lot more off the wall and obscure.

Yarbrough is based on the real life case of James "Richey" Edwards of the band the Manic Street Preachers. He isn't a copy of Edwards, but they both have very similar origins and fates. Here is the background from wiki:


"Richard James “Richey” Edwards (born 22 December 1967 – disappeared 1 February 1995), also known as Richey James or Richey Manic, was a Welsh musician who was the lyricist and rhythm guitarist of the alternative rock band Manic Street Preachers. Although not a particularly prolific musical talent, he was known for his dark, politicised and intellectual songwriting which, combined with an enigmatic and eloquent character, has assured him cult status, as well as having been cited by some as a leading lyricist of his generation, leading the Cool Cymru."


Edwards was a very talented yet depressed and nihilistic fellow who wrote really dark songs at the time they were at their peak in pop culture. The band broke out big with their 1994 album The Holy Bible which is a fever dream of anger and vitriol about the modern state of the world, all featuring lyrics by Edwards. Turns out it was a bit too intense.

As for whether Edwards was serious about his position or not:


"On 15 May 1991, after a gig at the Norwich Arts Centre, NME journalist Steve Lamacq questioned the band's authenticity and values, keen to ensure the punk ethic was not abused. Lamacq asked of Edwards' seriousness towards his art, and Edwards responded by carving the words "4 Real" into his forearm with a razor blade he was carrying. The injury required eighteen stitches."


It goes without saying that he suffered from depression most of his adult life, needing alcohol and drugs to even sleep. While Yarbrough is very much not based on Edwards in any capacity other than their occupation and disappearance, I can't say what eventually happened to the young man didn't help shape the direction of the story.

Yarbrough's sickness turned into nihilistic wrath and his disappearance was fueled by entirely different motives than Edwards' was. Aside from similar events happening to them, such as vanishing from the world after hitting a creative peak, Yarbrough is very much a wholly different person with far more sinister goals.

As for the fate of Edwards, well, no one knows what happened to him to this day. There is plenty of evidence to suggest suicide or voluntary disappearance, and either could easily have been the case. Regardless, he has never been seen alive since 1995.


"Edwards disappeared on 1 February 1995, on the day when he and Bradfield were due to fly to the United States on a promotional tour of The Holy Bible. In the two weeks before his disappearance, Edwards withdrew £200 a day from his bank account, which totalled £2,800 by the day of the scheduled flight. Some speculated that he needed the money for the U.S. trip, and it was also mentioned he had ordered a new desk for his flat from a shop in Cardiff. However, there was no record of the desk having been paid for, and this would have explained only half of the money withdrawn.

"According to Emma Forrest, as quoted in A Version of Reason, "The night before he disappeared Edwards gave a friend a book called Novel with Cocaine, instructing her to read the introduction, which details the author staying in a mental asylum before vanishing." Whilst staying at the Embassy Hotel in Bayswater Road, London, according to Rob Jovanovic's biography, Edwards removed some books and videos from his bag. Among them was a copy of the play Equus. Edwards wrapped them carefully in a box with a note that said "I love you", then decorated the box like a birthday present and decorated the outside of it with collages and literary quotations. These included a picture of a Germanic-looking house and Bugs Bunny. The package was addressed to Edwards' on/off girlfriend, Jo, whom he met some years prior, although they had split a few weeks earlier.

"The next morning, Edwards collected his wallet, car keys, some Prozac and his passport. He reportedly checked out of the hotel at 7:00 a.m., leaving his toiletries, packed suitcase, and some of his Prozac. He then drove to his flat in Cardiff, leaving behind his passport, his Prozac and the Severn Bridge tollbooth receipt. In the two weeks that followed, Edwards was apparently spotted in the Newport passport office and at Newport bus station by a fan who was unaware that he was missing. The fan was reported to have discussed a mutual friend, Lori Fidler, before Edwards departed.

"On 7 February, a taxi driver from Newport supposedly picked up Edwards from the King's Hotel, and drove him around the valleys, including Edwards' hometown of Blackwood. The driver reported that the passenger had spoken in a Cockney accent, which occasionally slipped into a Welsh one, and that he had asked if he could lie down on the back seat. Eventually they reached Blackwood and the bus station, but the passenger reportedly said "this is not the place", and asked to be taken to Pontypool railway station. It was later ascertained, according to Jovanovic's account, that Pontypool did not have a telephone. The passenger got out at the Severn View service station near Aust, South Gloucestershire and paid the £68 fare in cash.

"On 14 February, Edwards' Vauxhall Cavalier received a parking ticket at the Severn View service station, and on 17 February, the vehicle was reported as abandoned. Police discovered the battery to be dead, with evidence that the car had been lived in. The car also had photos he had taken of his family days prior. Due to the service station's proximity to the Severn Bridge, a known suicide site, it was widely believed that Edwards had jumped from the bridge. Many people who knew Edwards, however, have said that he was never the type to contemplate suicide and he himself was quoted in 1994 as saying, "In terms of the 'S' word, that does not enter my mind. And it never has done, in terms of an attempt. Because I am stronger than that. I might be a weak person, but I can take pain".

"Since then, Edwards has reportedly been spotted in a market in Goa, India, and on the islands of Fuerteventura and Lanzarote. There have been other alleged sightings of Edwards, especially in the years immediately following his disappearance. However, none of these has proved conclusive and none have been confirmed by investigators. In 2018, it was revealed that the bridge's toll receipt was a 24-hour clock, meaning he would have crossed the bridge at 2:55 am, rather than 2:55 pm as previously thought for 23 years.

"The investigation itself has received criticism. In his 1999 book Everything (A Book About Manic Street Preachers), Simon Price states that aspects of the investigation were "far from satisfactory". He asserts the police may not have taken Edwards' mental state into account when prioritising his disappearance, and also records Edwards' sister Rachel as having "hit out at police handling" after CCTV footage was analysed two years after Edwards vanished. Price records a member of the investigation team as stating "that the idea that you could identify somebody from that is arrant nonsense". While his family had the option of declaring him legally dead from 2002 onwards, they chose not to for many years, and his status remained open as a missing person[ until 23 November 2008, when he became officially "presumed dead".


If you wish to learn more about Edwards, I suggest looking into the case yourself. However, as I said, his influence on Y Signal really only relates to Yarbrough's own disappearance and the usage of music to reflect the turbulent state of the soul. There isn't any other connection.

I should also add that the Manic Street Preachers also wrote an album using Edwards' left behind notes and journals for lyrics, much like the Panorama Agents did for the titular Y Signal album in the story. And that is where the two part ways.

The Panorama Agents, as I've said are a band that didn't exist at the time but should have. You can tell from the album covers I posted throughout all four parts of Y Signal and that I had a history planned out for them before the events of the story. In fact, I might as well state it outright.




Yarbrough formed the band in 1987 when he was nineteen years old with his childhood friends. Their self-titled album released in 1988 in the indies, and they soon amassed an underground following. One of their roadies was a young man named Lenny, who would go on to be one of the band's biggest fans as he traveled the country with them. This is where he got the trinkets he sent to Ray, who was just a runt at the time. 

Nonetheless, the Panorama Agents grew bigger as the years went on. In 1990, they were signed to the majors and put out Now I Got Trouble which was a minor hit. It soon went gold before their follow-up, Last Broadcast, stormed out of the gate and topped the charts. It was all over the radio and the band's music videos were on heavy rotation.

Here is their full discography:


Panorama Agents (1988)
End is Here (1989)
Now I've Got Trouble (1990)
Last Broadcast (1991)
"Live" in 1991 (1993)
Y Signal (1994)
New Babylon (1997) [as Panorama]
Endless (2000) [as Panorama]


I listed the covers backwards as the story went on to show just how backwards Yarbrough was and how is degeneration wasn't really normal. By the time of Last Broadcast he had already discovered the Y Signal and used it to learn the "truth" of the world. Of course, not before making sure to gift it to a very confused Lenny.

Though they look successful from the outside, the band was not doing so well internally. Yarbrough, specifically, was losing his grip on reality and the others didn't know how to deal with it. This is reflected in what they did after he vanished.

When Yarbrough disappeared in 1992, the band was at a loss how to continue. They put out a live album recorded at their peak and then released Y Signal in 1994, an album containing lyrics entirely composed by Yarbrough using his left over lyrics and scraps. The band used the time between albums to craft another masterpiece, but they knew they couldn't go on like this. Though these songs were still hits for the band, it was clear they had to reinvent themselves. Nonetheless, they never replaced Yarbrough at all, deciding to go on as a trio.

In 1997, they would release New Babylon after changing their name to Panorama. They completely overhauled their music to add electronica and industrial sounds. The album did better critically than commercially, with lyrics that appeared hedonistic and detached, making it a bit of a contention among fans if it's even from the same band. But it was a mere stumbling block for the people in the group. The singer/rhythm guitarist left the band for a solo career, you've probably heard him lecturing plebs about politics on TV in recent years, leaving two members left from the original lineup to carry the load. Unfortunately, the drummer was found dead of alcohol poisoning on the train tracks of an abandoned trainyard in 1998. Despite the suspicious circumstances around it, the death was declared accidental. It looked as if it the band was finally over.




In 2000, Panorama put out their final album, Endless, a largely acoustic and lo-fi affair out of joint with everything they had done before. Only the bass player remained in the band, using his acoustic guitar and a drum machine when needed as well as other spare instrumentation, blues rhythm, and a very stripped down production. The album was rejected by fans of the band for being strangely hopeful and reflective, with odd appeals to God and thinking back on misspent youth and looking toward the future, and critics similarly dogged it for not having the sonic experimentation of older releases. Though reappraisal in recent years has looked better on the album, most fans agree it is simply not a proper Panorama Agents album. Then again sentiments for New Babylon were much the same. The album barely reached gold, but it was just not enough.

The lone member quietly called it a day in 2001, and that was the end of the Panorama Agents. They became nothing more than hipster trivia for music nerds on hipster websites. They faded away like every other band that was big in the '90s. Last anyone heard of the bass player, he had joined a monastery somewhere in Vermont.

One final thing about music before we move on: there is band that directly inspired a lot of the creation of this story, though you wouldn't be able to tell if I didn't say something here. The band Less Than Jake, specifically the lyrics of their drummer Vinnie, were what finally pushed me to write this story. It might seem odd that a ska band would inspire this, but if you remember that post I wrote on the band then you definitely understand how that is the case.

LTJ's drummer Vinnie successfully wrote about the worries of the Gen X life to the younger kids in Gen Y better than any other band that didn't turn to emo hipsters or political tools. Their first album released in 1995 (it wasn't even out yet during the events of Y Signal) but their formation in 1992 makes them a prime Gen X band. I specifically looked at the early lyrics and wonder: what would have happened had someone had never found his way out of this world that the generation was trapped in at the time. What would they be driven to do? Well, you would get Yarbrough and Lenny.

I created a City Medley based on 25+ year old Less Than Jake songs specifically because I was writing Y Signal at the time. If you haven't heard it, I posted it on youtube here:




The medley consists of songs written and recorded before the events of this story and were what I used to get into Lenny's head. I imagined this was very close to his experience growing up and figuring out his place in the world. Arranging them in this order made the songs tell a story I don't think the songwriter originally intended, but the theme exists regardless.

The story is simple and not very complex at all. Listening to a narrator living in an urban hell as things just get worse for him before he realizes they'll never get better and he finally leaves it behind tracks with Lenny's life perfectly. After all, he is the one who spurs Ray into action.

The tracklist of the medley is as follows:


Intro
24 Hours in Paramus
St. James Hotel
Down in the Mission
Blindsided
Last Train


Did you notice something familiar about those titles? That's right, I named the last two chapters of the story after the last two Less Than Jake songs in the medley. To understand why, you'd have to know the lyrics and get into the headspace of what Ray was struggling against. It is very much about a particular time and place.

Though Blindsided first released on the band's debut album Pezcore in 1995, it had already been written by the time this story occurs. Last Train, however is an older song and appears as a rarity in early compilations. Even the sound quality is lower because it is so rare.

Nonetheless, these are the songs that helped me to write the story.




Blindsided

Isn't it funny?
It all comes down to money
Running on a treadmill, wasting time
Keeps you too busy to lose your mind

I was blindsided out on the street
The tension was so thick I could hardly even breathe
And I don't like the way things are going down
I don't like the way things are going down
That's all, it's all
It's enough to knock me down

I was blindsided this guy walked right past
Calls for help from some guy from under the pass
So I guess it's the "problem will go away if you block it out"
It'll go away if you block it out
That's all, it's all
It's all enough to knock me down

Isn't it funny?
It all comes down to money
Running on a treadmill, wasting time
Keeps you too busy to lose your mind
Fall to the middle class
Heading for the lower class
The times can't always keep you down

And it's enough to knock me down.



Last Train

It's got me on the run, it's got my brain tied
It's got me down as the trains pass by
All these people crowding my sight
I wonder if my head was ever screwed on tight
Concrete buildings are all that I see
I used to never let it bother me
I used to never let it bother me
Last train, remember me

Walking past the cracks on 2nd street (Watching!)
Lights and sounds, the city doesn't sleep (And I say!)
Get this fucking city out of my brain (So I!)
Guess I'll have to wait for the last train

Remember me

Concrete buildings are all that I see
I never let it bother me
I used to never let it bother me
Last train, remember me

Walking past the cracks on 2nd street (Watching!)
Lights and sounds, the city doesn't sleep (And I say!)
Get this fucking city out of my brain (So I!)
Guess I'll have to wait for the last train

Remember me
Last train, remember me
Remember me
You gotta remember me

Last train.







It was definitely a way to help me understand someone like Lenny a lot better. Though Less Than Jake grew to become far more hopeful, Lenny wasn't there. No one of their generation would be way back in 1995.

Lenny's outlook on life was also not the same as Yarbrough's, which is probably how he came to his decision at the end of the story. At the end of the day, he was just looking for a little light to shine through the constant storm clouds. I'd like to think he found it in the end.

This is probably how Lenny came to have a good relationship with his younger cousin Ray. Gen Y was a very optimistic generation when we were young, pretty much the opposite of Gen X. However, as the story showed, much of that optimism was based on material things and artificial patterns that wouldn't last. Ray telling Lenny to stick around and wait for the next Quentin Tarantino movie wouldn't be enough to reach him because Lenny had already seen what the world had to offer beyond the good art of the time. They wouldn't see each other's point of view, just as Gen x and Y didn't really seem to have much in common back in the 1990s when this tale took place. So Ray instead offered him what Yarbrough couldn't: a place in the world again.

Gen Y has been called a materialistic generation, but I think that's not actually true. We tent to think people of this age bracket just want to buy old brand toys and pretend its the '90s because they think of this stuff as a religion replacement. However, I think it is a bit less complicated than that. They act this way more because they miss the cultural climate those things were created in. They are trying to rediscover a world they woke up one day to find was gone.

While Gen X is a hopeful generation that never had the chance to be hopeful; Gen Y is a nostalgic generation that tends to miss the forest for the trees. We were both sold futures that never happened, but Gen X smiled through the disappointment while muttering under their breath. Gen Y retreated to the past to get some semblance of understanding.

I suppose that might be why I wrote this story. As I said, I came up with the general idea around Lenny long ago, for a reason. But the character of Ray is not actually me. Ray is the Gen Y kid who is willing to face the unknown with one foot in the past and one foot in the future, understanding the world he is in (the one my generation lionizes) has its warts but is willing to do what is needed to move ahead. I'd like to think Gen Y can turn out to be the scribe generation we need in an era of constant revisionism and lies.

Speaking of revisionism, part of the other reason this was written is because Hollywood is currently attempting, albeit rather poorly, to try to retroactively turn the image 1990s inside out to weaponize against those who do not remember a world before Cultural Ground Zero. They are trying to sell the world on a past that didn't happen. Much like they successfully turned the 1950s into a living black and white cartoon centered on one political issue, they are trying to warp the 1990s into a garbage can of pointlessness with revisionist post-9/11 misery.

Here is an example:





This is not my childhood, and I'm tired of others trying to force this lie on the rest of us as if the 1990s were like this for everyone. Normal '90s kids did not live like these rich Hollywood kids did, and it sometimes feels as if we didn't even grow up on the same planet. Which might actually go a long way to showing just why things currently are the way they are.

For another example, I wrote about one such subversive lie a few years ago. This sort of thing is all over the place: an attempt to demonize the past to pretend things were always exactly as bad as they are right now in order to guilt you into doing what they want to fix the world. I can tell you as someone who was very much paying attention to the changes at the time, due to not having much in the way of a choice, that these people are lying.

The 1990s were not a paradise free of corruption, but it was a very different world than the one we live in now. Objectively there are many good things we had back then (real neighborhoods and communities, local and regional identity and clubs, and faith in higher callings and purpose) that have all been homogenized and boiled into the modern goop that nobody alive even likes today. The 1990s are a different universe, at this point. 

No, the world was not always as bad as it is right at this moment. If someone is saying this, they have something to sell you, and it's probably a pamphlet with all their solutions carefully written out on it in detailed points. Surprisingly convenient, no?

I would say to talk to the older generations about it, but I've never found a Baby Boomer consistent on this topic. I know boomers who would say back in the day that The Simpsons was trash and terrible now unironically say that they've always liked it and that I'm misremembering what they said to me. But that's not the only subject this happens to. I know others that called video games a giant waste of time that now play more video games than I do. It's a weird consistent inconsistency this generation has. It is as if they are always updating their software.

This is why the Baby Boomers in Y Signal are kind of off in a whole other world, mostly because they all were. And probably still are. They are a non-factor in the story because the Baby Boomers didn't really offer much to the 1990s except helicopter parenting, stricter rules for institutions, and working on the same day in day out loop they mastered in the '80s. It was just another decade to them and they probably think nothing of it now.

Truth be told, if they weren't Baby Boomers, then the entirety of the events of Y Signal probably never would have happened to begin with. Would any of the characters be better off if that were the case? That is hard to say. Things just have a way of working out in strange ways.

Same goes for the references. I'm not going to list them out, but you probably saw them for yourself. I'm not a fan of nostalgia bait stories, of which Y Signal is most definitely not, but having time and place atmosphere and attitudes is necessary for a period piece. I don't tend to write about different times in the past, but I had to make an exception for this story. This is a tale that could only have taken place in the time period it does. Recognizing the references is less important than knowing just how much they mean to the kids in the story. And I'm not saying that is necessarily a good thing. It just is what it is--Gen Y kids defined themselves by what they consumed and where they were when doing it. Ignoring that is ignoring the era.

So you might be wondering why, if I came up with Lenny so long ago, it took me so long to write this story. Shouldn't I have written this years ago?

Well, the truth is that I wouldn't have been able to. Without knowing what I know about weird fiction today, from Appendix N and Weird Tales to StoryHack and Cirsova, I never would have been able to write this. It is the same with learning about Cultural Ground Zero and the events surrounding it, as well as discovering more about the world and the Truth of existence itself. The story would not be what it is today. In fact, knowing what I was like and going through back then, I can't even say if it ever would have been written at all.

You might be confused at how long this post is for a single novelette distributed for free on my own blog when other Story Sheets posts were much shorter and straightforward. The reason is that this one was a long time coming and something I think I needed to write. It's only when I thought back on the history of this piece and edited the post you are currently reading that I realized just how much I put into this one. Hopefully if you haven't yet read Y Signal that this post will convince you to do so. It's definitely a blast.

As for whether we will see the world of Y Signal again, the answer is yes. I have three total tales planned with a definitive endpoint. You will see Ray again, but he probably would have preferred if I left him alone. Unfortunately for him, that isn't really my call. If the story needs to be written then it needs to be written. He's not getting away that easy!

So thank you for reading and enjoying the story. I have more surprises in store, just you wait! It's gonna be a good time. I assure you that I'm just getting started.






Thursday, July 29, 2021

Y Signal [Finale ~ Last Train]







*The future and the past tear at 11-year-old Ray's very being. A signal that assaults the soul and leads you by the nose into a tomorrow of its own choosing has slipped into his reality. Is a desolate future what lies ahead for the boy, or is there more to this madness beyond what the man on the radio says? Someone has an answer. All Ray can do is head into the darkness of the Y Signal and find the truth for himself . . . *












"Y Signal"
by JD Cowan
Part 4: Last Train






It wasn’t the same as the last time Ray listened to the radio. Whereas the previous trip into the ephemeral space forcefully warped the world and his mind into a fever dream of impossibilities, this time it was more akin to the floor coming out from under him and falling into a moving crevice. He dropped through the earth, kissing air in a flailing somersault before landing directly on his face. The jarring sensation was over in an instant. Spikes of pain jabbed along his muscles with every attempt he made to lift himself back up.

Whispers in his ears faded to a harsh humidity that clung to his pores like bad summer weather. He wiped at his eyes, ignoring the sudden silence.

The shrill screech of a high whistle brought streaks of terror down Ray’s sore neck. Sound quickly returned to his world again. The clicking of large wheels rolling reverberated louder and louder in his numb mind. When he finally managed to rise, Ray quickly realized that clatter was coming in from the outside. A wall of glass windows on his left and right sheltered him from the source. A row of vacant blue seats lined up on either side of the thin aisle the boy had woken up in. Ray had been dropped into a train.

Who is this?” Yarbrough said. His voice played overhead like a PA system. “Children are not supposed to be here.

He’s my cousin,” Lenny replied. Ray’s cousin’s voice also echoed in the train. “I have no idea why he’s here. Billy brought him, for some reason.

Yarbrough growled. “Throw him out before I do.

Calm down. You’ve been so on edge recently. Remember the plan. It’s almost over, so why are you getting so upset?

I will not be thrown off schedule. Not now. Deal with this, or I will!

The voices clicked off in Ray’s voice like a light switch, leaving him alone in the rolling train again. He stared ahead into the empty car to find not a single soul waiting for him. That voice was Lenny's—but where was he? That conversation told him they were on this train.

Ray was so close. They had to be nearby.



 
Ray stood up, his weight leaning on the ugly blue seat next to him. It took a moment to realize this was a real train and his hand really was touching the interior of it. The seats were lined up two by two on either side with an empty overhead luggage rack above. Large grey doors blocked the way into the next car before and behind him. Aside from the fact that nothing but a pitch red sky waited outside the windows, it looked just like any normal train would. This car wasn’t too dissimilar to the ones he had taken on a vacation with his family across the country back in the second grade. Ray massaged his sore arms as he scanned the car ahead. Where should he go?

“Lenny is going to be at the front,” Billy said. The bald punk had sat alone in one of the seats behind Ray, staring blankly ahead. “You better find him before we arrive at the station. Yarbrough didn’t sound too happy to find you here.”

“How is there a train here? There’s never been a station in Burroughsvale.”

“The Y Signal gave form to the gate we all must cross. In order to traverse time and space our minds need to be able to comprehend the journey or else we cannot accept it. Lenny helped set this one up, I'm sure. He's always been too accommodating to others. Once we reach the station we will pick up the barely living and then we will leave for the real world.”

A sudden sickness washed over Ray. The barely living? That sounded wrong. It made him think of the weirdo who chased Ray and Andrew back at the balcony. Were they all like that? What is it that made so many of these people so dead-like? What was he missing here?

“There’s something seriously off with you all," Ray said. "Why do you trust this Yarbrough guy so much? Is it because he wrote a bunch of weird and catchy songs a few years ago? I’ve heard some of things he’s been saying, you know. He’s crazy--he should be locked up. He thinks he's some kind of psychic and can see the future. Did any of you think he might be lying about all this or might be confused? No one can tell the future, Spikes. How can you not understand that the guy is off his rocker?”

A flicker of anger passed over Billy’s face. He glanced out the window into the world of red and the rage vanished into a relaxed grin. “It’s you who doesn’t understand anything. Kids are so dumb. I’d know, since I was one back when I had to grow up in hell. This is the end of the line. There’s no future for you.”

“Because a crazy musician told you.”

“He can tell the future. He’s told us what is coming. You’ve heard the Y Signal he’s sent out, and so has Lenny. I’m sure your cousin has told you predictions that turned out to be true. Did you ever wonder where he got that information from?”

Doubt washed over Ray not unlike that stupid radio had done to his soul the other night. He remembered some of the things that had appeared in his head when he least expected them to. How did Lenny know about the movie the other night? He was so sure that Judge Dredd would be bad, too. Had Yarbrough really discovered a way of seeing the future? He was a musician in a well-known band--he could have just had inside info, right?

But the uncertainty didn’t stop on that notion. How did Yarbrough know he was actually being told the future? How did he know he wasn’t being fooled or played with like that crazy guy who burst into his apartment looking for Lenny? This could all be guesswork, parlor tricks, or inside information from some other source. Regardless, this was all too convenient. Why did Lenny believe all of this craziness so easily? If Yarbrough really could see the future, then why were they running away instead of fixing things? There were too many questions Ray didn’t have the answers for, and no no matter how much he thought on them he could not find an answer.




“I’ll bring Lenny home on my own,” Ray said. “I’ll get him to tell me everything.”

“Do whatever you want. No one would ever want to go back after knowing the truth. Nice meeting you. I’ll see you at the end of the line.”

Ray charged towards the front of the car. The only reason he could tell he was moving forward was because of the direction the seats were facing. The outside showed him nothing but a crimson glow of light with no wind or hint as to what the train even looked like--if it actually existed at all. The brightness outside only increased the further the train barreled forward into the emptiness. Were they fast approaching the station? There was no way to know exactly how much time he really had left.

The boy dashed through car after car, seemingly in an endless loop of train. Each door effortlessly opened for him without much in the way of resistance. The only reason he knew that it wasn’t a loop was because he never saw Billy appear again in his travels. Instead, that same voice played over the invisible speakers just as it did back in the food court earlier in the day. Yarbrough didn’t sound happy at his presence here.

This is you responsibility," the crazed musician said. "Deal with him! I’ve had enough distractions for one lifetime.

The voice fuzzed and bent overhead. Ray had to have been getting closer as it only cleared more and more as he ran through the train. Soon enough, a car door kicked open ahead of him. A familiar face stepped through it to meet him in the center of the car. Lenny wore a black t-shirt and blue jeans with his hair neatly combed for the first time in ages. Much of the anxiousness in his face from Friday had dissipated. He looked oddly relaxed, despite where he currently was. Despite his cleaner look, the dark circles under his eyes remained as they did before.

“What are you doing, Ray?” Lenny asked. “You weren’t supposed to use the radio, just give it to Billy.”

“Then why did you tell me all that cryptic junk?”

“Because I needed you to make sure the radio didn’t fall into the wrong hands, and Billy was too paranoid to leave his apartment. Anyone could have used it after I left, but no one else would have taken what I said seriously other than you. The rest of the family never listens to what I have to say. I don't blame them, though. Look around you. This was the only way to keep things secret from the outside world.”

“Well, one of your friends was at your apartment today—the one we saw at the pizzeria. He got into a fight with some creep who kicked your door in.”

“Brad? First the pizzeria and now this. Oh boy. He’s been asking about the Y Signal for weeks, but I wouldn’t tell him more about it, and the night we met at the pizza place he was starting to lose it. He isn’t fit for this. Not everyone is.” His glare sharpened towards Ray. "Especially not kids."

“He’s not the only weirdo. That other guy who showed up at your place while we were there looking for you was worse than him. He probably followed that Brad guy to the building. Is this why there are so many crazies around town? You hang with quite a crowd, Lenny. Forget about all these freaks. We’re going home. You don't belong here.”

"I don't, huh?" Lenny laughed. “I’ll bet your dad didn’t even know I was missing, did he?”

Ray paused. It was true that his father just thought Lenny was being his usual aloof self, but he could hardly be blamed for that, especially considering where his cousin actually was at this very moment. Lenny had always been considered a black sheep among their very average family. No one made him do the weird things he did.

“He just thought you were being you. But this isn’t you.”

Lenny nodded mindlessly, his gaze darting across the car towards the endless haze of the outside world. He let out a hard breath before he scratched the back of his head. Ray's cousin appeared to be trying to say something stuck on the tip of his tongue.  

“Billy was one of two people with his name when we ran in our group," Lenny said. "He had spiked hair which is why we called him Spikes instead. Do you know what happened to the other Billy? You remember the Strychnine Shooter guy in the news a few years back? No, you're too young. Some psycho went around pharmacies and drug stores injecting Strychnine into various medicines. Our friend unknowingly took some home with him inside his cold medicine. The Billy you met was the one who found our friend's lifeless body in the morning. He looked like he had crawled out of hell, and not a single soul was there to help.”

Ray's mouth dried instantly. How was he supposed to reply to that? He'd never even seen a dead body outside of a packed funeral home. However, despite the story, it still didn't explain anything at all about this mess, and he was running out time to learn it. They could be at this station at any moment. The boy decided a softer approach might be necessary.



 
“I’m sorry about your friend,” Ray said. It did explain Billy’s strange mood, but not why either of these guys would leave home to come to this place. “But you understand that it has nothing to do with the Y Signal.”

“No one showed up to the funeral. Not his mom, not his brothers, not any of the other guys. It was just me, Brad, and the ex-punk who followed you here through the radio. That was about five years ago, not long after they picked up John Gotti. Remember him? That one was all over the media. Billy wasn’t important enough for the news—he was insignificant to them. You’ve never been to the city, Ray. You don’t know what it’s like. They can clean and polish the stone and concrete all they want, and they can throw as many dirtbags in cells as they want, but it’s never going to be anything but a trash pile where people sink deep inside and are never seen again. My friend is dead, and no one even noticed, no one will ever notice, and soon enough all trace of him will be gone forever. I can’t just go on like everything’s normal with a happy grin like some kind of lobotomy patient. That’s not living a life; accepting this reality is giving up and embracing evil as if it’s just fine and dandy: as if it's all normal and supposed to be this way. I may be many things, but I will not accept a lie as truth.”

Ray took a moment to process what his cousin had just said. It was rambling and nearly incoherent, but there was a passion there he had a harder time understanding. His friend died and that meant the world is fake? No, it didn't connect at all. Ray might have just been a kid but he knew cowardice when he saw it.

“You’re running away!” the boy shouted. "Instead of talking with anyone or trying to work through this, you just decide to split and leave us all behind? What happened to you, Lenny?"

“I’m not running from anything." Ray's cousin jabbed a thumb backwards at the car doors behind him. "I don’t have anything to run away from. My parents split long ago, the bands I cared about are gone, and there is nothing left on the road ahead. Yarbrough might be rough around the edges, but you know he's right."

"He isn't. Nothing you've told me proves he isn't anything other than a . . . what's it called? A Charlatan! Come back to Burroughsvale and I'll show you how much better things can be. It's definitely better than this. Forget that dangerous creep and let's go home."

"We’re not hurting anyone with what we’re doing, Ray. Just go out the exit and you’ll return back home. It’s a long drop, and a bit scary the first time, but you’ll wake up fine. I promise. You have people to go back to. Enjoy the time you have left before you're me. You kids deserve it.”

"Don’t trust that guy!" Ray bared his teeth. "I remember that broadcast. Did you not notice the weird ape man waiting there or the gross plants all over? There was this giant bird outside the window that could have been a dinosaur. You just accept that? That is far less normal than anything that goes on back home. He’s hiding something from all of you and you don't want to face it. You guys aren’t being told the whole truth.”

Lenny grimaced and shook his head. “That’s the Lost Race. Yarbrough discovered them when he first explored the signal. They were banished there in the True World long ago. That's what our parents never told us. Or at least our parents' parents, however far that goes back. It's all lies regardless. Those weird apes helping him achieve his goal. We have a lot of lies to undo.”

“You don’t know that's true, Lenny! They could be using him to get you all lined up for a snack or maybe even as slaves in that dark world. It could be anything. Use your head! Why aren’t you thinking through this at all?”

“You misunderstand me, Ray. I don't care. None of us care. Whatever we meet over there will be better than here, even if it kills us.”

“Stop talking like that, you idiot. We’re family. Did you forget? Maybe I want you around. Some part of you refused to tell me about the Y Signal because you know it's not right. You might tell me differently, but I know you. You're the one lying. You're doing it to yourself.”

“Stop babbling," Lenny said. He glanced away from his cousin. "You’ll forget about me when I go, just like your dad already has. Maybe not soon, but someday. I'm pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Most of us are. It’s best you experience it now rather than later. Loss builds character.” Lenny chuckled to himself. "Now I sound like my dad."

“No. Enough.” Ray seized his cousin’s wrist. “I don't care what you want. Come on, we’re going home.”

The boy took a few steps towards the side exit with his cousin in tow when a harsh burst of static nearly deafened him. The entire train rocked as if an earthquake had rattled the car. Ray and Lenny each tumbled over sideways into the seats. The train seemed to spin like it was attempting an aileron roll, as impossible as that was. Reality spun around. Ray rolled about until he hit the floor on all fours and felt his breakfast against his teeth.

When the train finally stopped shaking, he noticed a familiar lean man wearing a green sweater and slacks walking through the door. This angry young man stomped over to the splayed out cousins. Yarbrough’s face was so red it looked as if it might melt off at any second.

“Throw the stupid git out already!”

Lenny struggled to sit up from his prone position in the seat. He gagged on a breath. “I was about to before you stormed in here. What are you so worried about? I have no intention of letting him come with us. Kids can’t handle this place. Most normal people can't, either.”

“This arrogant little puke is pissing me off, Leonard. He thinks he has it all figured out, butting into our business with his stupid, uneducated views he cobbled together in the sandbox. I walked Fear City in the ‘80s, I saw the fall of the Berlin Wall, and I was in town when Kurt supposedly killed himself. What's he seen but bad Hollywood movies that numb the mind into accepting decay? I’ve seen the future, and it is real. There is nothing ahead but death. At least this runt will live in ignorance until the end comes.”

Ray forced himself to stand up. His gut continued its acrobat act as he steadied himself. “Just because you got some predictions right doesn’t mean you got them all. You said it yourself the first time I went under: there are many futures. They can’t all be as bad as you believe.”

“And yet this is the world we live in, brat. I know all my predictions will come true because I’ve seen them already happen on a smaller scale, over and over. It’s human nature to do the wrong thing and drag everyone else into it. This is the one eternal truth of this whole evil existence. We are simply leaving the rest of them to their own devices while the less brain dead go off and find a better future in the Real World. They’ll all die, and they’ll all deserve it.”




Lenny looked at Yarbrough sideways, but Ray didn’t back down. Instead he shoved the former rock star with all the anger he could muster. “Shut up! You don’t get to decide that. Just because you lucked out and found this Y Signal doesn’t make you God.”

Yarbrough pushed him back with an unexpected zeal, sending Ray to the floor again. “Piss off, you know-nothing runt. I summoned the Y Signal myself through blood and sacrifice. That red view you are seeing outside is a result of all my effort to save us. That’s the power I earned. Anyone else could have found it, any of our parents, our ancestors, our leaders, but none of them did. Not only did they fail to harness this force, they sealed the world off, cast away an entire race, and left us alone in the dark with nothing but noise and plastic. They deserve the genocide they will cause to themselves and my only regret is that I won’t be there to laugh at them in the face about it.”

“Yarbrough,” Lenny said. He lowered his voice. “You’re losing it. This kid isn’t that big of a deal. Let it go. We came here because we didn’t want a part in the old world anymore, not because we want to destroy it or see people die.”

“I’m not planning on destroying anything, Leonard. I’m letting it die. I can see possibilities, hundreds of thousands of routes we can take to reach the future--this is the gift of the Y Signal. Using logic, pattern recognition, deduction, and probability--things they don't teach kindergartners like this brat--I can easily surmise the fate of the brainless sleepwalkers that inhabit the 20th century. I see a pit ahead, followed by an implosion like you've never seen before. And that's the truth. What prediction would you like next? A terrorist shooting in Israel or a bombing in Sri Lanka? I don't even need the Y Signal for something like that.”

Lenny rubbed at his clearly tired eyes. “You told me that leaving would be like we never existed. We would step out of existence. I thought that maybe us leaving would help change things for the better. One of those other futures you mentioned as a possibility might occur instead. Us taking off would be better for everyone.”

“Who cares?” Yarbrough replied, saliva splashing from his lips. “I don’t know what will happen when we’re gone. It doesn't matter. All I know is that a lot of people are going to get what is coming to them in the not so distant future. That's all I care about. Now, enough of this. The platform is waiting for us, as are our new friends who have chosen Truth over that lie we used to live. Throw this little punk off the train and let’s go.”

The boy’s anger flared and his voice rose despite himself. Ray jumped back up again. “I’m not going anywhere!”

He charged into Yarbrough with a sudden burst of adrenaline and knocked the jerk over. The two rolled backwards as the train rattled with their tossed bodies. The entire structure flipped was as if the car itself had been tackled. The whole train flopped around in an impossible barrel roll with Yarbrough, Ray, and Lenny, striving to maintain their balance as they were thrown about, banging against the interior. Somewhere in the mess screeched the sound of twisting metal. 

The boy and his enemy grabbed at each other. It didn’t matter that Yarbrough clearly had the strength and size advantage when he had been thrown so off balance. The train spun, sending the parties all over the inside of the car. Windows crunched as bodies landed slammed into them. The grappling pair landed against the door at the end of the car and Lenny dropped into the seats again. The train regained its proper balance at the same moment Yarbrough did.

“Get off my train!” the ex-rocker shouted. He seized Ray’s collar and punched him square in the stomach. Ray gagged as Yarbrough kicked his doubled-over body. He sneered at the boy hitting the ground again. “You have no place in my world.”

The boy gasped for air as Yarbrough threw open the side door to the outside. There was no wind, but dead silence flooded in from the outside. Ray gripped the nearby seat as his breath struggled in his chest. Humidity smacked his face from the rouge void outside where no ground existed--just endless red skies. He tried not to look at the unsettling sight. Only harsh scarlet light existed inside this foreign space--and whatever lay below.

Spittle splashed through Yarbrough’s pointed teeth as he dragged his victim. “Go home and fix your own damned world!”

“It’s your world, too,” Ray said. His breaths pumped jaggedly from his sore chest. “You can’t just walk away from everyone. What about your family, your band, and your fans? You're just gonna leave them all?”

“Sorry, but it’s already too late for them. They have chosen their fate, just as you have. You are all getting what you have coming to you.”

“Forget it, Yarbrough,” Lenny said. He put a hand on the ex-rock star’s shoulder. “You’ve done enough here today. It’s time to go home.”

Lenny shoved Yarbrough out the door to the train. The madman’s clasping fingers lost its grip on Ray’s shirt as he plummeted down into the crimson horizon. Ray fell against the side of the door, holding tightly as he watched his enemy drop. The former rock star fell out of sight and soon even his shouts disappeared into the bottomless infinity underneath them. All trace of Yarbrough in this world was lost in an instant.

Lenny pulled the flailing Ray back into the train. He steadied the boy, but still kept an eye on the endless pit of a world underneath the vehicle. “You have to go home, too.”

“Why did you push him out? Won’t he just come back?”

“It’s already past midnight back home. Time converges here at the time the Y Signal was sent out, and Yarbrough’s radio is the source of it. You and Billy sent it out when you came here. No one else can come through now until it is turned on again. Yarbrough won’t be able to come back because it is already after the broadcast time back on Earth. He'll try, but it's too late. The train has left the station, and there's not turning back. It’s time for you to leave, too. You don’t belong here, Ray. That’s the only thing I‘m certain of anymore.”

“He was manipulating you the entire time, Lenny. You know that now, right? He just wanted to set up shop in some new world as a king or whatever. He was crazy and full of himself. He didn’t want to help anybody.”

Lenny smiled weakly. “I knew he was on edge, but I thought he was getting over it. His obsession never quite died out, but it apparently just got worse the longer he was in the Y Signal. Maybe nobody really has resistance to it like I thought they might. He became better at hiding his slipping grip, until you showed up. That’s also why I didn’t just tell anyone about the Y Signal, by the way. At first I thought I’d just take a bunch of people like me to this new place like it was an adventure. You know, give them a second chance at life in a better place where they could find themselves. Sorta like moving to a new country or town, I guess. But after Yarbrough snapping like he did, I’m not so sure of that anymore. People like him need to find a place among the living. They can’t just separate themselves from life or else they slide deeper into their own ego.”

“Then come back with me. You don’t belong here, either, Lenny.”




“I can’t just abandon all those people on the platform, Ray. The whole reason they’re here is because they think the world has already left them behind. They’ve given up, just like I had. I need to take the train to the station, and tell them what happened with Yarbrough. I brought them to this place, so I have to talk them about it. That’s going to take some time. We aren't that far from the station, either. I should get ready.”

“I’ll go with you.”

Lenny shook his head. “I don’t know if I can even stop this train without Yarbrough. At least you can go home. Live your life. Enjoy your summer as best you can. You won’t get a lot of them in your life, regardless of whatever happens next. Don’t worry about me anymore, either. I took part in this mess and I have to take responsibility to make up for what I did. I'm not running away again.”

“What did I come here for, then?" Ray felt the anger boil in his sore gut. "Do you have any idea what I’ve been through since Friday? Now you’re just telling me to walk away?”

“Relax!” Lenny lightly laughed and smacked Ray on the back. “I’m not staying here for the same reason anymore. There’s something more important that I have to do. There are people I have to see and things to think about. Go home and tell your dad that I’ll be over to shoot pool with him again very soon. I’m not leaving; I’m fixing a mistake.”

"Please, stop this."

Lenny grinned. "If it's any consolation, the next Superman movie should be out in the next two years. It'll be worth it. Trust me."

"What do you--"

Before Ray could finish, Lenny shoved the boy out of the open door. Ray’s cousin waved to the falling boy as the scarlet fog enveloped the passing train whole. He dropped like a concrete block into the bay of emptiness. Eventually Ray saw nothing in the emptiness aside from his own flailing body spinning into the depths of this impossible space. He thought he was shouting, but eventually lost his voice in the choking silence. The red vortex closed above Ray at the same moment that the world turned white. All his senses cut out and died.

And then it was all gone. The world had disappeared just as suddenly as it first arrived. 

Then it all popped back into existence again. Reality returned as the train became nothing but a memory. He coughed on the stale apartment air.

Ray hit the solid floor, face first. His legs were trembling like he'd been left out in a blizzard. He rubbed at his sore jaw, and slowly sat back up. Everything inside of him hurt. The cheap carpet felt oddly soothing under his torn up palms.

When the realization that he was alive hit him, Ray sprang to his feet. “Lenny?!”

But his cousin didn’t answer.

Instead, only see the dark of night replied. Moonlight slipped through the blinds of Billy’s apartment and bathed the place in a harsh blue glow. There was no clock to be seen on the wall, but he knew the time. Lenny had already told him, and he always told the truth. Midnight had long since departed this place. The broadcast was over.

“Anyone here?” he called out. “Am I awake?”

“Not for much longer.”

Behind the couch emerged the limping body of Yarbrough. He clutched his right eye as if it had been punched in and his breaths pumped hard. Before Ray could say anything, Yarbrough kicked the boy with his twitching left leg, knocking him down to the floor.

Ray scampered backwards across the carpet on his elbows. “What are you doing here?”

“This is my radio, you git. I entered through it, same as you did. Where else did you think I’d fall when your stupid cousin pushed me out of my Y Signal? Now I have to work from nothing because of you and your wretch kin. This is why I hate kids and weaklings. Oh well, at least I’ll get to break your spine.”

“Just calm down,” Ray said. Through the shadows of the apartment behind Yarbrough he thought he saw a moving shadow slipping in through the moonlight beams of the small place. Was it Lenny? The boy decided to keep talking. “You can use your ability to fix the future now. You can make it so that those things you saw never happened. This is your second chance!”

“I don’t know by heart which of those events will occur and which won’t. Whatever the Y Signal was, whatever source lent me the power to see into the future, much of it was like putting pieces together of events already happening that lead to obvious conclusions. But sometimes they don’t always happen quite that way. It was more like it was showing me very educated guesses that only the most aware of us could puzzle out. Sort of like obvious conclusions to the path the world has decided to take. There are many futures.”

“Wait! That’s it! You just said it yourself. You don’t actually know. Now that you’re here you can change what you do know. You don’t have to run away anymore.”

“There is nothing to run from, and nothing to save. Nothing has changed with your meddling. It’s all going to burn, starting with you.”

Yarbrough took a step towards the fallen Ray, his smile dancing with joy in the harsh moonlight. Nothing would ever stop this crazed loon’s mad quest to reshape reality. He had long since left this world behind, much like those others who had heard his program after midnight. Yarbrough took one look over towards the window and stopped.

“Wait,” the madman said. “Where is my radio?”

Out of the dark behind Yarbrough moved a smaller figure. Andrew had a black bulky object between has hands as he jumped off the couch towards the psycho standing in front of him. Ray’s friend brought the radio down on top of Yarbrough’s head with a hard swing. The old equipment broke, sprinkling pieces of metal, plastic, and wires, across the floor. Yarbrough grunted and leaned over, clutching the back of his bleeding skull.

But something else burst from the broken device, and it wasn't a radio signal. Streams of red liquid ejected out of the shattered parts and twisted wires, almost like veins full of blood. It doused Yarbrough from head to toe like buckets of water. He shouted as heavy steam burned against his skin and wrapped around his limbs, chest, and throat. The shattered radio appeared to be grabbing at him. Was this thing actually alive?

“What is this?” Yarbrough shouted. “What did you do?”




The blood water clung to Yarbrough like a thousand tiny leaches growing into snakes. The mass stretched down to the carpet like living goo and attached against the carpet. It spread under his feet not unlike a living puddle. After spreading the circumference of Yarbrough’s twisting body, the gunk pulled him into the floor like quicksand. It was eating him.

You destroyed the future,” Yarbrough said, his voice croaking. He dropped down into the red tar, as if the ground gave out. “You deserve everything you’re going to get.”

With those last words, Yarbrough plummeted into the red haze. As soon as he vanished from sight, the blood liquid solidified and hardened on top of the carpet. Before Ray could even process what had happened, the crust of crimson evaporated into thin air, taking even the radio remains with it into mere particles of air. All that remained of Yarbrough’s Y Signal had completely disappeared like a bad dream in the morning light.

Ray and Andrew stared at the bare carpet for a long time before either of them spoke again. Whatever the Y Signal had been, it definitely was no friend. Whether Yarbrough understood that or not at the end was anyone's guess. All Ray could think was how thankful he was that he didn’t drop the radio when he was climbing down the balconies earlier in the day. Imagining himself in Yarbrough’s place sent a chill down his back into his trembling legs. He definitely didn't want to think about that now. Slowly he found the willpower to stand back up.

“My parents are going to ground me so bad,” Andrew said, blandly. He kept staring at the bare carpet. “I fell asleep in the backroom with my foot elevated on the bed. It feels a lot better now. I didn’t think you’d be gone that long. It’s past midnight, you know.”

Ray blinked. “Is that all you can think about right now?”

“I . . . no. I’d rather pretend nothing happened. Don’t even want to think about it.” 

There were many things Ray wanted to say, but they all felt rather unimportant in the grand scheme of things, especially considering what had just happened to the two. All traces or information about the Y Signal had just vanished before his eyes. The unreality had just been erased from his life in a single moment. It might as well have never happened.

“We should get out of here," Ray said. "Our parents really will kill us for staying out so late.”

The two boys made for the door, Andrew still unsteady on his feet. They closed the bare apartment behind them and took to their bikes outside. There wasn’t a single soul left on the playground, just as Ray figured there wouldn’t be so late at night. Even during summer vacation kids needed to sleep, and so did the town. Being able to go home after playing is what made playing worthwhile in the first place. He now believed that simple truth more than ever.

They rode their bikes back across the empty streets of Burroughsvale, seeing little in the way of passing cars. Perhaps Lenny was right and that their earlier pursuers had already departed through their own radios into the Y Signal to grab whatever future they thought awaited them. Unlike Yarbrough or Ray they didn’t appear to return at midnight, so did that mean they were trapped in that impossibly red light? Did Lenny fail at his task, or did something else happen to him inside the signal? That thought caused discomfort, but he couldn’t deny it as a possibility. Either way, there was little Ray could do about it now. He just had to trust in his cousin's words that he would handle it.

As Andrew and Ray rode their bikes down the barren streets of Burroughsvale, the quiet did little to ease the tension. Instead they talked in stilted tones about what they would be doing next week. There was plenty of summer left, after all. But still Ray couldn’t forget what had just happened, and he doubted he ever would.

Lenny had never given his cousin a reason to doubt him before. Even if he finally realized Yarbrough was full of it by the end, and told Ray to live regardless of whatever future awaited him, his older cousin shouldn’t have been in that position in the first place. Ray would never understand that generation. Things were not that bad and they always had the chance of getting better. The Y Signal was now gone, and the future was open again. They could once more look forward to whatever lay ahead. People weren't perfect, but they always had the chance to set it right again. His cousin proved that to him at the end.

Until Lenny came back, Ray would just have to keep being a kid. He would have to enjoy as much of whatever life threw his way as he could. Then the boy would show his cousin how wrong he was to run away from this world. It would be different next time. There are no real last trains--there is always another one in the morning.

A thousand Julys from now, summer would still be around, long after they were all gone from this Earth. Why waste throwing it all away on what might happen in the meantime? For now, he had many bright days ahead to look forward to, and he would do so with open arms. Summer meant promise, and it was promise he would fulfil. He pedaled madly ahead, his friend calling after him.

"Slow down, Ray. You want to get killed?"

"No way, man. I've got places to be!"

And he would make sure that he always did. That is, after all, what summer is all about.



[The End]